Story

My dreams, as a young girl, weren’t very lofty.

I had friends who aspired to be doctors and lawyers, politicians and journalists; I just wanted to get married. Even as a little girl my sights were set on boys and being loved. I remember, as a skinny little nine year old, getting in big trouble for calling boys on the phone. My mom lectured me – wagging her finger in my face – and warned me of the danger of chasing after boys. I didn’t listen. 

I had a major crush on David W. in second grade (as did most of the girls). On one occasion, in order to get his attention, I played “damsel in distress” with my friend Robin. I jumped off her balcony – twice – and broke my wrist. David never came. A year later, in an effort to snag David’s affections, I begged him to play a game with me during recess. I pestered him to the point that he punched me in the stomach. Brutal – I know. But, I sort of deserved it.

All throughout elementary school, I wrote prayers in my diary to a God I didn’t know, “Dear God, please give me a boyfriend.”

My pursuit continued throughout junior high and high school. As I got older the stakes got higher; there was so much more to lose. The compromises I made in high school and college make me sad as I reflect back. My diary entries began to include a prayer to a God who seemed so far away, “Please forgive me for my sins.” I remember many discussions with my dad about waiting for the right kind of guy: the guy who would willingly go to great lengths to see me and be with me. I’d shake my head in agreement, but inside I was afraid that if I waited I’d never find him.

Dear God, please give me a boyfriend.

I got to college and my longing persisted. I loved being in school, pledged a sorority, and even though I was in a long‐distance relationship, I kept my options open, hoping that I’d finally find the right guy.

In the background of my memories from my freshman year, Linda Ronstadt is singing, “I’ve been cheated, been mistreated, when will I find real love?” My long‐distance boyfriend started talking about marriage that spring, so I decided to make it easy for him and quit school. I moved back home and waited for a proposal. Six months later we broke up. I vowed, at 19 years old, never to date again. Five months later I was engaged to someone new.

My prayer was finally answered. I was planning a wedding with a shiny diamond on my finger. My dream was about to come true at last. I finally met a guy who really loved me and I really loved him – and my dad liked him too. Then, just 10 days before the ceremony, Scott dropped a bomb – over the phone. He didn’t want to marry me and the wedding was called off. I was devastated.

I’ve been cheated, been mistreated, when will I be loved?

In the midst of returning the wedding dress and the matching, shiny white shoes; relaying the terrible news to the guests on the rather long list; cancelling the flowers, the cake, and the photographer; and, watching the pile of wedding gifts increase; my neighbor, Lynn, invited me over for coffee. There was something different about her. She was religious but in a compelling kind of way. She was fun to talk to and easy to be with. She talked about God like she really knew Him. I knew she’d listen without offering me empty condolences. She did.

After I’d shared the long, sordid story, Lynn explained that the kind of love that I was looking for wasn’t found in a man. In my heart, I was thinking, “I find that a little hard to believe.” The only place she said I’d find real love was in a relationship with Jesus Christ. Lynn shared John 3:16 with me.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but will have eternal life.

She talked to me for a long time about God’s love and forgiveness – both of which I desperately needed.

That sunny summer afternoon I went home, knelt down on the green shag carpet in my bedroom, and asked God to forgive my sins and for Jesus to be my Savior. That day, Jesus Christ broke through and reached into my broken heart and saved me from the penalty and destruction of my sin. He lavished me in His amazing grace. And, because of God’s great love and mercy, a new and eternal relationship was born out of a ruined and devastating one, along with a new and eternal purpose.

With Lynn’s encouragement I began praying to this God I barely knew. I moved to a new city and started life over. She told me to ask God for help to find a job and an apartment. So I did. I soon found a job and moved into an apartment managed by a Christian – I could tell because he had a Bible on his desk.

Jeff often talked to me about Jesus and going to church; he even encouraged me to join a Bible study with other girls. I listened politely, but continued to pursue boys (some habits die hard.) As a result, I found myself in deeper trouble than I’d ever known. Yet, all the while, I read the Bible Lynn had given me, (even though it didn’t make a lot of sense), and I talked often about my new relationship with Jesus.

One particularly bleak evening that fall I was standing in line at the grocery store.

Next to the Chiclets and Lifesavers was a magazine “Rounder” that held a little book called “The Jesus Person Promise Pocket Book”. I knew I was a “Jesus Person” and I desperately needed His promises. As I reflect back, I’m sure He put that book there just for me. At about the same time, the film “Jesus” was released in theaters. I was hungry to know all I could about Him, so one Saturday afternoon, I went and saw the movie. I remember sitting motionless in that theater, along with about three other people, soaking it all in. Jesus became more and more real to me during those turbulent months.

My job as an administrative assistant paid the bills but promised little or no future. I can see now that the Lord used my parents to convince me to return to college. Six months after packing my little red Honda and escaping, I reluctantly returned home. As I backed my car out of the parking lot, Jeff, who stood beside me during those trying months, offered some final advice, “Get involved in Cru when you get on campus.”

As I reflect back on those beginning days and months with Jesus, I realize God’s call began with a bang and a whisper. He heard my childhood prayers and stirred up a storm. He entered into my heart and transformed both instantly and ever so quietly.

Reflect

Recently my friend’s four year old daughter, Eden, seemingly out of the blue, announced to her mom that she was ready to receive Christ into her life.

Her mom, wanting to treasure the experience and share it with the rest of the family, asked her to wait until they got home. Eden waited and then at dinner announced for a second time that she was ready to pray. Again, her mom asked her to wait until the dishes were cleared and the mood was set. Her siblings and parents gathered, and her mom began to explain – once more – what this decision meant. Before she could finish, Eden, tired of waiting, prayed. She was ready and needed no more explanation. Jesus called and she responded.

Whether you were a small child or an adult, whether your circumstances were simple and serene or wild and desperate, He called your name. He invited you join Him in holy fellowship with an eternal purpose.

• How did Jesus Christ first get your attention? Maybe, like me, the Lord brought you to the end of your rope; or, like Eden, He called your name when you were very young. Either way, reflect back to that point in time when you received Christ as your Savior – whether it was a specific day or a general space in time – and record the different ways the Lord manifested Himself and the gospel to you.
• Describe the impact the Gospel had on your life and the lives of those around you.
• How is the Lord manifesting Himself in your life now? Are you experiencing His familiar touch, is He calling your name? How do you know?

Respond

I often reflect back on that particular year of my life with a deep sense of gratitude and awe. “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now I’m found was blind but now I see.” The Lord used Scott, Lynn and Jeff, The Jesus Person Promise Pocket Book, and a host of poor choices to draw me to Jesus.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities;
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit;
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things.
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle” (Psalm 103:1‐5).

Bless the Lord for His benefits and forgiveness, His healing touch and redemption in your life. Praise Him for His loving kindness and compassion, for the good things you receive from His hand every day. Thank Him for not only saving you, but also for giving you purpose. And, by faith, trust that He will make His call upon your life clear.

• “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but will have eternal life” (John 3:16 NLT).
  • Praise Him for His sacrificial love. Thank Him for Jesus – the perfect, sinless Son—the ultimate expression of God’s love.
  • Thank Him for loving you then (at the point of salvation) and now.
• If you’ve been resisting, unwilling to stop and listen, talk to the Lord. Tell Him why. Ask for His help to focus as you consider His “call” in your life.
• “For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was His plan from the beginning of time – to show us His grace through Christ Jesus” (II Timothy 1:9 NLT).
  • Stop and wonder. God, from the beginning of time, purposed to use you to display His grace. How is this possible and how does this make you feel?
  • He saved us and called us to live a holy life – what do you think this means on a practical level?